I’ve completely rebuilt my life around my disease. As the doctors say, I am now eating as and acting as everyone should. I eat clean. I don’t cheat—ever. Cheating is only shafting myself out of more time being alive and without pain. I do work out six days a week, just as before. I engage in P90X and Insanity, intensive weight/strength training and cardio, respectively. I have unfortunately had to take a break from my workouts over the last several months due to additional health issues, but I am getting back on track. Working out just aids in dropping off the weight I had been holding, and it acts as natural Prozac in those moments of depression I may encounter.
Speaking of weight loss—when I changed my diet, giving my pancreas the rest it needed—my body relearned how to digest. I dropped 44 pounds in less than a year. In the very beginning, I lost a pound per day. Through my workouts, I dropped my blood pressure back down to teenage levels. I felt more alert and more energetic. I was stronger, a fighter. I dropped myself back into junior size one pants. But most importantly of all…
My pain attacks stopped. Completely. I have not heard a peep from my gallbladder or pancreas in a little over a year. My amylase and lipase levels (markers of pancreatic function) remain constant and normal.
While some would see this as a perfect time to loosen up…I don’t. I see this as a reward for daily hard work. I am vigilant. I am educating myself. I am recreating recipes, molding them into safe dishes. I am learning more and more about food. The lessons are well worth it. I have a very cherished friend with a background in nutrition and fitness to help me along the way.
I have also learned the importance of taking care of ME. In my life, I tend to place others before myself. I sit back and ignore health issues, hoping they will simply go away. I understand I can no longer do this. The endoscopy that found my disease was originally scheduled for over ten years ago when I was having what I presumed to be yet another ulcer. I cancelled it. I was afraid of the needles and the anesthesia. Did I have this disease ten years ago? Possibly. Could I have stopped this ten years ago, healed entirely? Possibly.
So in the interest of overall health, I learned to communicate fully with my doctors. In September of 2010, I underwent surgery to remove a para-tubal cyst. This cyst was causing me daily, terrible pain…just as my pancreas once had. There was risk of the anesthesia triggering a pancreatic attack, but thankfully that did not occur. I am now missing one fallopian tube entirely, and the other tube was tied and burnt. My wish of being sterile (I didn’t want to pass on the cycle of abuse); backed up with the fact that pancreatitis and pregnancy don’t mix, combined to make this surgery a “good” thing. I am now off of all medications, beyond Vitamin D for seasonal affective disorder. I stopped the proton pump inhibitors almost a year ago, opting instead to use the natural alternative of apple cider vinegar. I never have to worry about a pregnancy that could kill me. I can move ahead without pain in some form, in some body part. I no longer have artificial chemicals or hormones coursing through my veins and contributing to health issues or unpleasant side effects.
My life is better than it ever has been. My father passed away in 1997, ending his abuse. I eventually gathered the courage to kick the abusive boyfriend I had to the curb. I took time for myself emotionally, to heal, to find solid footing. I relished the fact that for the first time in my life, I could finally be myself.
I have now embraced this disease. I view chronic pancreatitis as a blessing. A wake up call. A second chance to correct mistakes, to live the life I am meant to. It forced me to make the changes I needed to, but couldn’t seem to find the will to.
I work two jobs—a full time and a part time job. I also attend college full time. I manage my household and four furry kids—four bundles of great joy that are also quite the handful. I had to dramatically alter my life in the midst of this chaos. If I can do this…so can you. Take no prisoners…especially not yourself. Don’t be trapped by old ideas, old mindsets and traditions. Don’t let others sway you from your mission. They will try, believe me. I’ve gotten more odd looks, outright stares, rude comments and ignorance with this disease. People just fail to understand. It is not my job to educate them…unless they are genuinely interested.
That is the purpose of this blog. To share what I have learned. When I began this journey, I was armed with a doctor’s “do not eat” list and little else. Perhaps my experiences, put out there for the world to see, will make someone else’s transition easier. Everyone suffering from pancreatitis has different foods they can tolerate. But perhaps this blog will be a useful general guide. Live well, my friends. Take care of your body, so you can remain here, with your loved ones, doing whatever it is that makes you happy.
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