So What Did You Do?

 I did what I had to. But first, I sat in my car in shock and shed a few tears. Step One…change your diet. “There are enzymes you can take to help digest your food for you,” my doctor had stated. “But first, you’re going to try doing this on your own.” On my own meant a new list of “do not eat” items. Or, as I came to call it, the water and lettuce diet. It isn't seriously THAT restricted, but it sure felt like it in the beginning.

I can no longer have:

--Dairy (of any sort)

--Alcohol (no big loss there)

--White processed anything. No white flour. No white rice. No white sugar. In short, if it’s processed, it’s probably a no-no.

--To go with the above, no simple carbohydrates (veggies that turn to sugars included in that statement)

--Fat in general (very, very little is allowed)

--Pork in particular

--High Fructose Corn Syrup, or any sort of corn product

--Artificial sweeteners

--Caffeine (all sources, including chocolate)

--Deep fried foods, greasy foods or overly spicy foods

The list continues. The realization that so much of the food on the market is potentially harmful to me was stunning.

In the beginning, the task of so radically altering my lifestyle was overwhelming. I was angry, I was scary, I was resistant, and I was frankly pathetic. I didn’t think I could possibly do this. I pitied myself. I wanted to live, but I didn’t want to make the necessary sacrifices. I had others pitying me. But I had a few voices of reason, voices that backed up the little voice in my own head saying, “quit whining, just act.”

I slipped up in the beginning. No dairy couldn’t possibly mean no Greek yogurt. Yogurt is good for everyone, right? Wrong. I had three pain attacks in a week and a half. I later learned (through a supportive friend) that probiotics can actually kill people with chronic pancreatitis. Oops.

I had to learn to understand and translate food labels. Sometimes a harmful ingredient may be disguised with a different name.

I had to relearn how to cook, with an entirely new set of ingredients I wasn’t familiar with.

Mostly, I had to embrace one simple fact. Food is fuel, nothing more, nothing less. Food is not meant to be a source of pleasure (nor is it meant to curb my emotions). Food is the gasoline for your body’s functions. That is its function. Tasting good is simply a bonus perk. I have to analyze each and every thing I consider placing in my mouth. Will this food benefit me? Will it put me in the hospital? Will it kill me?  I can say with complete confidence, when I stare down a piece of chocolate cake and pit my life against ten seconds of taste bud pleasure…the cake remains untouched. No food is worth the pain. No food is worth dying for.

When I am asked what motivates me, I give funny looks in exchange. Wanting to live, and live well, is a large enough motivator in itself. If pressed further, I will answer that it wouldn’t be fair to hurt my loved ones by allowing myself to slowly and painfully die when it is within my control to curb the progression of this disease. If pressed further still, I will generally toss out “I don’t know.” There is no magic formula that I could teach anyone else in my situation. The only person that can change you—is you. The motivation and reasons need to come from within. You have to want to live enough to devalue all of those foods that you so badly “crave.”

By the way…those cravings? All in your head. While caffeine does have a physical addiction component, sugar does not. It took exactly one week for my body to acclimate to having zero of either. It was a crabby week, but it was only one week. Some cravings took a bit longer. Ice cream was difficult, cheese was hard. Pepperoni pizza with green peppers was excruciating. But it all works itself out in the end if you remain committed. You find you no longer want the foods of the past. They simply aren’t important. You learn to plan, to tweak recipes, to question ingredients, and to trust only in yourself. It is my responsibility to maintain my life, not anyone else’s.Your life is yours...not anyone else's. YOU have to make the changes. No one can do it FOR you.